When was the last time you said no at work?
Not a vague ‘I’ll try’ or a polite delay. A clear, thoughtful no – with context, boundaries and confidence.
Saying no might sound simple, but for many leaders it’s one of the hardest things to do. And yet, it’s one of the most important. Because when we say yes to everything, we spread ourselves too thin. Our energy drains. The quality of our work drops. And we quietly teach our teams that being constantly busy is a good way of operating.
As leaders, we’re not just setting the tone for what gets done – we’re shaping the culture for how work get’s done and how we feel about our work. And that includes role modelling boundaries and that it’s acceptable (essential) to say no.
Why we avoid saying no
We might not physically have time to do the task that we’re being asked to do. However it’s rarely just about time. Saying no can often feel uncomfortable because it can be in conflict with our values. For example, your values might be about helpful, capable, or responsive – and saying no can feel like a threat to all of those. If you say no then you might feel that you’re not being helpful, your capability might come into question or you might feel that you’re not being responsive.
Add to that the systemic pressure of a ‘badge of busy’ culture where constant availability is equated with competence and it’s no wonder we find ourselves drowning in to-do lists and quietly resenting the extra tasks we didn’t really have space for.
But here’s the truth: saying yes to everything doesn’t make you a good leader. Saying no with clarity, empathy and purpose does.
What saying no really means
Saying no isn’t about being difficult. It’s about protecting your own and your team’s time and focus. It’s about making space for deeper thinking, better results, and sustainable working. It’s also about strategy because a good strategy is as much about what you choose not to do as what you pursue.
And it’s not just about saying no – it’s about hearing it too. A strong team culture isn’t one where everyone says yes to the boss. It’s one where people feel safe to say if they are not able to do something, push back, offer alternatives, and discuss priorities honestly.
How to start saying no with confidence
If this is something you find tricky (you’re not alone), here are some starting points:
- Pause. Don’t default to yes. You don’t have to respond immediately. It’s absolutely fine to ask for space to think about whether you can do what has been asked.
- Reframe your values. It’s very difficult to change your values. However you can reframe them. For example, if you value being helpful, reframe your thinking – will saying yes just spread me thinner so I am being less helpful in more important or impactful tasks.
- Use the ‘yes, if…’ tactic. For example: ‘Yes, I can take that on if we move the deadline for X or find support for Y.’
- Be clear and kind. Clarity on your decision feels good and builds trust more than vague maybes ever will.
Ultimately, saying no is an act of leadership. It shows you’re clear on your priorities. It shows you value your time and your teams. And it sets a precedent that thoughtful, considered boundaries are not just acceptable, but essential.
What are your tips for saying no?