Something I notice in almost every leader I work with is the quiet belief that they’re ‘supposed to know.’ Not because anyone has said it out loud, but because over the years it’s become part of how they see their role. The person who knows the answer, can fix it, can untangle it, point to the solution and keep things moving.
It works for a while. It’s efficient. People get used to it.
But gradually, without realising it’s happening, everything starts coming back to you. The decisions, the worries, the things people would probably solve themselves if they had a bit more confidence or space to think. And suddenly your role becomes heavier than it needs to be.
The difference between knowing and doing
What’s interesting is that most leaders already know this dynamic isn’t helpful, but they still feel a pull to jump in. Partly because it feels quicker in the moment or that there’s just an expectation that you’ll always solve it. Partly because watching someone work something out can feel slower or messier than just giving them the answer. And partly because of habits – especially well-intentioned ones that are ingrained and very hard to break.
There’s another way to lead that doesn’t rely on having the answers, and it starts with helping other people do their best thinking. It’s not a neat or linear process, and it requires patience, but it changes how individuals navigate problems for themselves which in turn can shift the dynamic of a team. People become more capable. They bring their ideas and suggestions to solve problems and they trust themselves more.
This shift in mindset and action can make a big difference to where you’re able to focus your time and energy.
Here are a few small shifts that can help you move away from the instinct to fix and towards a mindset that builds independence and confidence in others:
1. Pause long enough to find out what they already know
Instead of answering straight away, get curious. Most people have already thought about the issue before they bring it to you. You can draw that out by asking something simple like ‘What have you considered so far?’
This not only gives you insight into their thinking, it also signals that you trust them to have a view.
2. Allow more space than feels comfortable
When you hold back from offering the solution, you create space for people to think and that space is rarely filled immediately. It’s easy to feel tempted to rescue the silence or speed things up, but giving someone a bit of breathing room often leads to more thoughtful answers. A gentle ‘What else?’ can be enough to help them go a layer deeper.
3. Avoid perfecting or reshaping their answer
When someone comes up with a solution that’s different from how you’d approach it, resist the urge to adjust it or make it neater. If it’s safe enough, let them try it. We all learn far more from following through on our own thinking than from being told how to do something. You never know their solution might even work better than your preferred way.
Stepping back in this way doesn’t make you less useful as a leader. It simply changes the kind of value you bring. You move from being the person who supplies the answers to the one who helps other people become more capable of finding their own.
If you’d like to explore this further, this episode of The Quiet Leadership Revolution podcast digs into the mindset and practical skills that make this possible.
👉 Listen here: how leaders can unlock the power of the individual