Vulnerability and leadership. Two words that don’t always sit comfortably together.
Because vulnerability in leadership isn’t straightforward. It’s emotional. Context-dependent. And deeply personal.
For a long time, leadership was equated with strength, control and certainty. The idea of showing anything that might resemble ‘weakness’ whether that’s uncertainty, emotion or not having the answer was something to be avoided. But in reality, the leaders who make the biggest impact are often the ones who are willing to embrace uncertainty, are comfortable to not know the answers and view their vulnerability as part of their leadership strength not their leadership weakness.
In reality, some of the most effective and trusted leaders are those who show up with honesty – even when it’s uncomfortable. They admit when they’re unsure. They share when something has gone wrong. They invite their colleagues in to see the human being behind the job title.
But vulnerability at work is hard. It can feel risky. What if people question your competence? What if it makes things worse? What if you just… get it wrong?
How do you know how much to share?
There’s no single right answer. It depends on the context. The culture. Your team. Your own values. Your emotional bandwidth in the moment. All of this means that vulnerability in leadership is more art than science.
For example, there’s a difference between showing emotion and being emotionally raw, or between admitting a mistake and losing confidence entirely. There’s a line – and it’s not always obvious where it is.
That’s why knowing how much to share is less about one-size-fits-all advice, and more about asking better questions.
Questions to help you decide what (and when) to share
If you’re facing a tricky situation or feeling emotionally exposed at work, pause to consider the following questions – or better still discuss with a trusted friend or colleague:
- Why am I feeling vulnerable? What’s going on for you? Often, we feel vulnerable if our values feel compromised, for example if I share my vulnerability is my competence being questioned, or am I feeling disrespected?
- How much trust is there between me and the people I am being vulnerable with? The more trust there is, the easier it is to be open. It’s a bit chicken and egg – you need to be able trust people with your vulnerability to share it in the first place – then when others show support, compassion and kindness to the vulnerability that you have been brave enough to share – trust grows. It has to start somewhere. This is one reason why building trust in your team is very important.
- Is this something I’ve processed, or am I still in the thick of it? There’s no rule, but sharing whilst you’re feeling emotionally raw feels more risky and more exposing.
- How will I feel and what might happen if I share this? And what if I don’t share it? Reflecting on these two questions often reveal what’s really at stake – and what matters most.
There’s no right answer, only you can decide how you show up in vulnerability, but these questions are a helpful resource to help you decide.
Vulnerability is a leadership skill
Showing your vulnerability takes courage and it also takes skill. You can learn to do it well. You can role model it for others. And you can create teams where it’s safe for everyone to be real, even when things are messy.
It’s not about telling everyone everything. It’s about knowing what your team needs from you and what you need from them to lead with honesty, empathy and impact.
We explored this in depth in this episode of The Quiet Leadership Revolution, including the connection between vulnerability and values, the risks of getting it wrong, and the kind of leadership that builds real trust.
🎧 Listen to Episode 035: how to show up in vulnerability as a leader It might just shift how you think about showing up at work.