Last month I ran a webinar with Caroline Doran, founder of Deliver Grow on managing uncertainty. We had some great questions and an interesting theme came up. It’s not the first time.
Several times I asked viewers to put their questions into the chat box. I encouraged people to ask for help, even if it was specific to their situation because I could pretty much guarantee that someone else would be grappling with the something similar, so it would help others too. Also I felt pretty sure that someone else would have been through a similar situation and come out the other side, and therefore could help.
The questions started to flow, and it highlighted and sparked a conversation about how we can find it difficult to ask for help.
It can happen for many reasons:
- We’re worried about what other people will think.
- We’re worried of asking something that may seem silly or trivial to others.
- We don’t like to feel vulnerable.
- We feel we should be able to figure it out for ourselves.
- We know others have got lots of things that they’re worried about so we don’t want to add to their stress.
- We hope the problem will just go away and we won’t have to bother anyone.
The thing is, the vast majority of people like helping others. We’re social animals, we live in communities. Helping each other is just part of being human.
Yet, even though we may like to be asked for help, even though we like helping other people, even though helping other people makes us feel good, when we have a problem we often hold back from asking others.
It doesn’t make sense!
Who are we not to give others the opportunity to help us? Who are we to deny others the opportunity to feel good? It’s a gift to be able to help other people – yet we often feel that asking for help is a burden.
Also in my experience most of the time we think we’re alone but we’re not. When we voice our feelings, we learn that other people have experienced what we’re feeling too. Just knowing we’re not alone can be helpful in itself.
So next time you think that the problem will go away, that its silly or that other people have enough on their plates without you asking them for help. Just ask for help.
One of the reasons I set up the Lucidity Network was to provide a community where it feels OK to ask for help. A place where people have a sense of belonging, understanding and enjoy helping each other. If you promise to ask for and give help you can join us here.
You can also watch the replay of the webinar on managing uncertainty with Caroline Doran in the Lucidity Network archives.